Guazi

Illustrated by Tula Wild.

Note: Guazi (瓜子) is a popular snack consisting of roasted seeds, often melon or sunflower seeds. Often, guazi are enjoyed during Chinese New Year. Before eating guazi, people tend to crack them open with their mouths and discard the outer shells. 

On the first day of Lunar New Year

The scarlet snack tray travels around the room

Heavy with candywrappers and chocolate coins

Heady with the sweet scent of guazi 

I was four that year

Fat hands grabbing red envelopes

Qipao bursting at the seams

Ripping them apart, I unearth the coveted coins

Tearing the bright gold paper

Cold chocolate crumbling in my mouth

Finally they pass the tray to me 

Eagerly I pocket the jewel-hued sweets

At home, I’ll stack my square-shaped spoils 

Building towers of blackcurrant and strawberry

The rest of the tray doesn’t interest me much

I shove it in the hands of the nearest relative

An aunty intercepts: 

You should try the guazi! 

It would be rude not to. 

I reach into the tray, 

Grasping a handful of oblong seeds

Fat and black but pale in the middle

Enticed by their biscuity fragrance

I open my mouth wide, 

pouring in the whole handful.

Aiya! 

To the mirth of the whole gathering

I bite and the skin breaks into shards

I chew but the stubborn seeds stick to my mouth

Running to the sink, I spit them out and

Declare that I’ll never eat guazi again

Grandma shows me how it’s done

Expertly wielding the seed in between her teeth

She cracks it open, seamlessly 

Revealing the small brown seed within

And places it in my hand

Wah, so small! Is this it?  

She casts aside the long black shell

Crunching confidently on the guazi 

Sandwiched between cousins on the sofa

I watch as aunties uncles join in a cacophony

My braces come off when I’m sixteen

The snack tray makes the rounds again

Aunties — I forget which ones — tell me I look better

Have I lost weight? Have I grown taller? 

Now it’s my turn to choose something 

I politely decline the chocolate coins

Shying away from the sugary sweets 

Grandma doesn’t let me off so smoothly

You can’t come here without eating anything 

Reaching into the tray, she grabs the guazi

Pouring a hefty handful in my palm

I sit by her side, laughing, crunching,

Shamelessly splitting each guazi  

Ensconced within their shells,

I save her the golden-brown seeds.