I Broke the Record

ESTHER: She was supposed to meet me at George's house earlier. She didn't come. I thought she would at least send a text after my... outburst the other night. But it's been radio silence ever since. She didn't even cancel. I waited in George's bedroom for forty-two minutes before Lois texted me: "George says you're at his place, waiting for Clara. She's with me today. I thought she told you."

It hurt. I hate that she didn't even cancel herself. I’m the one in the wrong, I know that. Of course I know that. Through and through, I know that I brought all of this on myself. It’s entirely my own fault. I have no excuse along the lines of "I didn't know she was married until it was too late", or "she was mine first, I loved her first". I knew exactly what I was doing, so I don't deserve sympathy. Our friends already look at me with a mixture of disgust and second-hand embarrassment: ‘come gawk at Esther, Esther the homewrecker. As if ruining four people’s lives wasn’t enough, she also had to go ahead and ruin their family dinner.’

I know there's no excuse for what I did. I loved Clara. I don't think that makes it any better, but I loved her. I did. From the moment we started talking about Milton at Lois's party, I knew that she would mean the world to me eventually. And she does. Even now. I would still put flowers on a bedside table for her.

But there's no point thinking about that anymore. As I said before, (The lights progressively fade out. Esther reprises the play's opening lines:) all of this has already happened.

I met Clara at our friend Lois’ birthday party. Time is a funny thing. (END)